What is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse is an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in most cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. Sadly, it is very common and both women and men can be victims of domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse can include, but is not limited to, the following:

• Coercive control (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
• Psychological and/or emotional abuse
• Physical or sexual abuse
• Financial or economic abuse
• Harassment and stalking
• Online or digital abuse

Financial abuse is an aspect of coercive control, a pattern of controlling, threatening and degrading behaviour that restricts freedom. It can include gambling with family money and can leave the victim with no access to their own funds and with debts that have built up by abusive partners set against their names.

Economic abuse can also include restricting access to essentials such as food, clothes or transport. This limits choices for the victim and their ability to access safety. Often results in victims staying in an abusive relationship and experiencing more harm as a result.

Suits Me® can offer you a fresh start to managing your finances independently and provide ongoing support via our customer care team who specialise in supporting vulnerable customers including those who may not have managed an account of their own before.

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This list can help you to recognise if you, or someone you know, are in an abusive relationship.

They include:

• Destructive criticism and verbal abuse: shouting; mocking; accusing; name calling; verbally threatening.
• Pressure tactics: sulking; threatening to withhold money, disconnecting the phone and internet, taking away or destroying your mobile, tablet or laptop, taking the car away, taking the children away; threatening to report you to the police, social services or the mental health team unless you comply with demands; threatening or attempting self-harm and suicide; withholding or pressuring you to use drugs or other substances; lying to your friends and family about you; telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.
• Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people; not listening or responding when you talk; interrupting your telephone calls; taking money from you without asking; refusing to help with childcare or housework.
• Breaking trust: lying to you; withholding information from you; being jealous; having other relationships; breaking promises and shared agreements.
• Isolation: monitoring or blocking your phone calls, e-mails and social media accounts, telling you where you can and cannot go; preventing you from seeing friends and relatives; shutting you in the house.
• Harassment: following you; checking up on you; not allowing you any privacy (for example, opening your mail, going through your laptop, tablet or mobile), repeatedly checking to see who has phoned you; embarrassing you in public; accompanying you everywhere you go.
• Threats: making angry gestures; using physical size to intimidate; shouting you down; destroying your possessions; breaking things; punching walls; wielding a knife or a gun; threatening to kill or harm you and the children; threatening to kill or harm family pets; threats of suicide.
• Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts; having sex with you when you don’t want it; forcing you to look at pornographic material; constant pressure and harassment into having sex when you don’t want to, forcing you to have sex with other people; any degrading treatment related to your sexuality or to whether you are lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual.
• Physical violence: punching; slapping; hitting; biting; pinching; kicking; pulling hair out; pushing; shoving; burning; strangling, pinning you down, holding you by the neck, restraining you.
• Denial: saying the abuse doesn’t happen; saying you caused the abuse; saying you wind them up; saying they can’t control their anger; being publicly gentle and patient; crying and begging for forgiveness; saying it will never happen again.

Additional support

Remember you are not alone, there is help and support available. Some organisations who can provide help and support are listed below:

• You can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free on 0808 2000 247 between the hours of Monday-Friday 3pm-10pm, they also have a live chat service and can call you back at a time that works for you. They have a team of highly trained female advisors who are there to listen.
• The Samaritans have a 24-hour helpline for those who need emotional support and are experiencing feelings of distress, despair or suicide. You can reach them on 08457 90 90 90
• The Men’s Advice Line can provide support, practical advice and suggest services that can provide survivors with specialist help. You can call them for free on 0808 8010 327
• Women’s Aid can help to get the help and support you need if you’re dealing with domestic or financial abuse. There are different numbers to call depending on where you live in the UK.